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Sunday Morning News

`The Capitol Steps' Turn Campaigns Into Comedy

Aired January 14, 2001 - 8:48 a.m. ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

KYRA PHILLIPS, CNN ANCHOR: Well, we're counting down to the inauguration of a new President and keeping tabs on the selection process for our new leader's Cabinet members, of course.

MILES O'BRIEN, CNN ANCHOR: We here in the news business are also among those watching these developments closely, but our next guests are not only watching all of this, they are, well, they're turning it into funny stuff and putting it to music. The Capitol Steps joining us now from Washington, they are a group of congressional staffers turned comedians, in case you've been under a rock for the past 20 years or so. Good to see you guys and the spokesperson this morning will be Mike Tilford

Mike, good morning to you. Thanks for being with us.

MIKE TILFORD, THE CAPITOL STEPS: Good morning. How are you doing today?

O'BRIEN: Good. I guess the beauty of The Capitol Steps is there's always some new material, right?

TILFORD: Well, things keep turning over. You know, we always get worried, or we used to get worried. When Bill Clinton came along we were a little concerned because we were losing Dan Quayle, who was pretty funny. We thought Bill Clinton was a little serious and not funny at all, but we were completely mistaken so...

O'BRIEN: How wrong you were.

PHILLIPS: Mike, we both, we've seen you guys perform. We both have been in D.C. Miles went to school there. Give us a little taste on how you guys got started. I think your background is pretty interesting.

TILFORD: Well, we started in 1981 as a Senate office Christmas party for Senator Percy and basically it just sort of, you know, like everything in Congress, it spun completely out of control from there. So now this is our primary job.

PHILLIPS: You're still out of control.

O'BRIEN: And just briefly, what's your sense on the new administration? Is this an optimistic time for those of you in your business? TILFORD: Oh, it's a very optimistic time. I mean Bill Clinton was very good for us and a lot of people have been asking us, well, you're losing Bill. I don't know if that's true because Hillary is still around and let's face it, for the first time Bill Clinton is not going to have to worry about getting elected. We're facing the very real and awesome possibility that he's actually been behaving himself all along.

And George Bush, here's a guy who, well, he, you know, as opposed to Clinton, he gets in trouble with his own mouth. So that's a very good thing for us.

PHILLIPS: All right, Mike, give us your latest jingle.

TILFORD: Well, we have, why don't we show you a little bit of George Bush and sort of how he's been conducting business thus far.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. George W. Bush here. I'm gonna be President. But on a more serious note, I realize I need to bring this country together. I realize I need to form a bipartisan coagulation and that's why it deeply saddens me when I hear things like I heard a while back. Someone came up to me and they said the election's over, Al Gore has conceded. And I said let's be fair now, the man's a little arrogant. I don't want to be calling names.

Now, many people have asked me what a George W. White House is going to be like and I'd be real happy to show you just as soon as someone gives me the address. But in the meantime, I'm going to bring my wife Laura in here. We're going to tell you a little bit about how things are going to work.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: We're cheek to jowl with Colin Powell in the back of our big chauffeured Caddy.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: Won't he look great as head of state cause my staff belongs to daddy.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: We'll do our part for Cheney's heart, protect him from foods that are fatty.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: If he checks out, I'd lose my clout and my job as Cheney's caddy. I'm not smart at all like daddy, and the Democrats think I'm a brat.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: Cause your campaign ads were ratty.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTORS: Rat, rat, rat, rat, rat, rat, rat, rat, rat.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: If Al Greenspan gets too fatty, if the stock market's starting to fail, I'll make a smart choice like daddy.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: Who'll be running the Fed? UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: Dan Quayle.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

O'BRIEN: Very nice. Very nice. All right, Mike, tell me, you know, four years, it's hard to predict who's going to be the more interesting members of the new to be or soon to be Bush administration. Any predictions on who you're going to get more grist from, the President himself?

TILFORD: Well, I think the President is going to be worth an awful lot of good material. But, you know, we have his Cabinet coming up and then we have Dick Cheney. It's been interesting, as with in almost any president, the Cabinet choices, I think, are proving very interesting. You've got John Ashcroft here and, you know, everyone seems surprised that he's pro-life and that doesn't shock me at all.

I mean here's -- he was beat by a dead guy, of course he's going to be pro-life.

PHILLIPS: Mike, have you ever had a politician call you up and threaten any of you?

TILFORD: The only time we -- not as such. We've actually had trouble with politicians who have come to our show and been very concerned that they weren't in it.

O'BRIEN: Oh, well, there you go. You want to make sure you be a part of it.

TILFORD: Exactly.

O'BRIEN: He looks vaguely like Mike Dukakis, doesn't he?

PHILLIPS: He does.

O'BRIEN: Have you ever been told that? All right, we're going to do the final song...

TILFORD: Yeah, we're going to take a look at some of Bush's Cabinet choices coming up here.

O'BRIEN: And before you go, you're singing us to break so thanks for being with us...

TILFORD: Thank you very much.

O'BRIEN: And we'll see you the next time.

TILFORD: All right.

O'BRIEN: All right.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: Hello again, ladies and gentlemen. George W. here. Now, as you may know, I've been putting the final touches on my Cabinet nominations with the exception of one high level administrative position, and that is designated driver. Now, you know, right now I would like to a different subject, if I may, and introduce you to the Secretary of the Interior.

Now, quite personally, I think the decor of the White House looks just fine. But everyone has told me that all presidents have a Secretary of Interior Design, so if I may, I would like to bring in Gale Norton and she's going to tell you a little bit about how she's going to take care of things. Gale?

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: Thank you, Mr. President.

All your wild scenic lands, Mother Nature's largesse, will be safe in my hands, I'm James Watt in a dress. Climb every mountain, fill every stream, level every hillside, everything that's green. Bring global warming, more acid rain, from companies who gave us cash for our campaign. Arctic lands are so great with my new oil wells, in our national parks we'll build giant hotels. You eco (UNINTELLIGIBLE), why do you sob, you voted for Ralph Nader, that's why I got this job.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

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