- America's most opulent suites include jeweled baths and media rooms
- Butlers, chefs, masseuses, personal trainers and chauffeurs always on call at many suites
- The "most affordable" suite on this list starts at $2,999 per night
- You don't even want to know what the most expensive one costs
Indoor basketball courts, island-sized balconies and bathrooms that belong in museums -- America's got some crazy indulgent hotel suites with price tags to match.
Ty Warner Penthouse, Four Seasons Hotel, New York
This 4,300-square-foot suite dreamed up by architects I.M Pei and Peter Marino spans the entire 52nd floor of the Four Seasons Hotel, offering an incomparable 360-degree Manhattan skyline view from four glass balconies and practically every room.
There's an extraordinary four-foot chandelier, mother-of-pearl inlaid walls, 22k gold fabrics, indoor-outdoor Zen garden with a floor-to-ceiling waterfall, Chinese Onyx-clad master bath, tiger's eye jeweled guest bath, spa room with top of the line exercise equipment and a bronze-adorned library with grand piano.
A personal trainer, butler, art concierge and Rolls Royce chauffeur are always on call.
Four Seasons Hotel, 57 East 57th St., New York; +1 212 758 5700; from $40,000 per night
Casa Five, Sanctuary Camelback Mountain, Paradise Valley, Arizona
Guests who book this luxury desert pad get their own outdoor pool and private tennis court.
They also get panoramic views of Camelback Mountain and Paradise Valley, five bedrooms, 5½ baths and a sprawling multilevel outdoor patio with a hot tub, plush seating and cozy fire pit.
A chauffeur will drive you to the local farmer's market. With ingredients you pick up there, a personal chef will customize and whip up a feast in the gourmet kitchen, complete with wine pairings.
Sanctuary Camelback Mountain, 5700 E. McDonald Dr., Paradise Valley, Arizona; +1 800 245 2051; from $3,500 per night
Presidential Suite, The Greenbrier, White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia
The Greenbrier's Presidential Suite accommodates more than 200 people.
President Dwight D. Eisenhower, the Duke and Duchess of Windsor and Princess Grace of Monaco are just a few guests who've booked this swank suite that comes with seven bedrooms, nine bathrooms and 5,100 total square feet for entertaining your minions.
At the foothills of West Virginia's Allegheny Mountains, this two-story, excessively floral-patterned duplex includes three fireplaces, living room with grand piano, library, den, private patio, reception foyer and formal dining room that has hosted countless state dinners.
The Greenbrier, 300 W. Main St., White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia; +1 855 453 4858; from $25,000 per night
Penthouse, The Fairmont San Francisco Hotel, San Francisco
Looking like something out of a fairytale movie set, this 6,000-square-foot penthouse spans the eighth floor of this historic hotel and comes dripping with Cinderella-esque features.
The billiards lounge is covered from floor to stained-glass ceiling in Persian tiles, while the two-story circular library has a secret passageway and sky-like dome with every constellation painted in gold leaf.
There's also a 24/7 butler, chef, masseuse, personal trainer and chauffeur.
The formal dining room seats 60 people, marble baths have 24k gold fixtures and a massive terrace provides stellar city and bay views.
The Fairmont San Francisco Hotel, 950 Mason St., San Francisco; +1 866 540 4491; from $15,000 per night
Provocateur Suite, Hard Rock Hotel, Las Vegas
There's luxury, and then there's true living.
Catering to the latter, Hard Rock's Provocateur Suite is a palace for those looking to play out bedroom fantasies.
Highlights include two master suites with mirrored ceilings, one of which holds an enormous bed equivalent to three queens and an interactive video wall that, with the flip of a switch, lowers the shades, dims the lights and projects figures "writhing wantonly" on the bed while erotic themes rotate behind the headboard.
Along with a private balcony and plunge pool, the room has a secret vault filled with various toys, gear and outfits, a steel cage large enough for two and a shower with naked silhouettes that react and sway with your every movement.
Hard Rock Hotel, 4455 Paradise Road, Las Vegas; +1 702 693 5000; from $5,000 per night
Brisa Villa, The Grand Del Mar, San Diego
This Mediterranean-inspired bungalow has a dedicated elevator, two-car garage, personal luxury golf cart, landscaped yard, climate-controlled patio and built-in outdoor stainless steel grill and refrigerator.
The SoCal sun floods the retractable floor-to-ceiling windows accented by hand-stenciled ceilings and European marble columns.
Another amazing feature: The state of the art media room with custom leather recliners has padded and insulated walls for mind-blowing sound.
The Grand Del Mar, 5300 Grand Del Mar Court, San Diego; +1 858 314 2000; from $6,000 per night
Kamehameha Suite, Honua Kai Resort & Spa, Maui, Hawaii
This six-room, oceanfront suite has the usual big-suite perks -- fully equipped gourmet kitchen with Viking appliances, flat screen TVs, three lavish bathrooms and huge beds in every room.
But the highlight is the 3,200-square-foot lanai -- touted as the largest on Maui -- with whale watching views of Moloka'i and Lana'i islands, the West Maui Mountains and the Pacific.
Honua Kai Resort & Spa, 130 Kai Malina Parkway, Maui, Hawaii; +1 855 718 5789; from $2,999 per night
Royal Plaza Suite, The Plaza Hotel, New York City
This 4,490-square-foot suite was inspired by Louis XV's royal court.
It comes with coveted Fifth Avenue views, three marble fireplaces, 24k gold-plated fixtures in its four bathrooms, an in-suite gymnasium with fitness equipment, library lined with hand-selected books and the Plaza's chefs at your disposal to make use of its magnificent kitchen.
Or for just less than $3,000 a night, the hotel's new Great Gatsby-themed suite is a relative steal.
The Plaza Hotel, Fifth Avenue at Central Park South; +1 866 940 9361; from $30,000 per night
Presidential Suite, Hotel Bel-Air, Los Angeles
This glamorous Hollywood Hills suite has a chef's kitchen with a private entrance for your "personal staff," dining for 10, a beautiful living room with a grand piano, fully stocked bar, his-and-hers showers and deep-soak tubs with built-in TVs.
French doors lead to a 4,500-square-foot Spanish courtyard, with a full-size swimming pool, Jacuzzi and outdoor fireplace.
Hotel Bel-Air, 701 Stone Canyon Road, Los Angeles; +1 310 472 1211; from $15,750 per night
Hardwood Suite, Palms Casino Resort, Las Vegas
Extending 10,000 square feet across two floors, the Palm's Hardwood Suite is an over-the-top hoopster's dream, with an indoor basketball court, locker room, scoreboard and gigantic Murphy beds that unfold right onto the hardwood.
The hotel's Kingpin Bowling Suite is another fun option, with a two-lane bowling alley built into the room.
Palms Casino Resort, 4321 W. Flamingo Road, Las Vegas; +1 866 942 7770; from $25,000 per night
Stephanie Orma is a San Francisco-based travel and design writer.